Post 2 on "Trying to be a better writer"
a scrapped away essay
(For maximum “feels”- listen to “Call” by Yutaka Hirasaka while reading this.
Ṛta. /riθ/ (Pronounced rith)
The mere utterance of the word itself, replete with its velvety enunciation and fleeting breath being exhaled, is not unlike the comforts one sheds to discover oneself, signifies a profound sense of meaning and purpose
Rta has several meanings, from truth and rationality to art and harmony. It also means right, order, and mortality, despite every text editor's annoying attempts to auto-correct it to rat.
It’s defined in ancient Indian structures as truth. But I believe it stands for all of the above. A unifying harmony of all these concepts. And I’ve long been fascinated by the same, What defines thought? What transforms videos about neurons whizzing through our brains at the speed of light? What really makes us who we are? More importantly, how do we understand this, to recognize ourselves at our purest, unfiltered selves? (The act of writing about it, quickens my heart’s pace as if we’re getting near to discovering its meaning)
***
My feet grasping the dew-studded grass, blearily blinking my eyes, I would await the newspaper boy to unceremoniously launch our newspaper-held-together-ever-so-delicately-by-Rubber-bands into our balcony. 6 year old me wasn’t entirely confident of my catching abilities but was good enough to figure out where to stand so it wouldn’t smack me. Not much longer after I heard the satisfying ‘thwack’ of it reaching the ground would I scramble back to the sofa’ sprawling it all across, maybe like a treasure hunter opens a map(unsure of reference). I’d long for the word’s wash over me, to immerse myself into the sprawling words of text, elegantly poised in Times New Roman, sober in the appearance, yet telling the expressive stories of what lay beyond.
But not all of the universe’s secrets can be understood by leafing through second-hand accounts of others, for nature hides its delicate secrets, visible only to those who try and seek them. This is precisely my intention, as I tread softly on the grass, and gaze at the stars. My mother used to say, the stars represent those who aren’t there with us any longer. I like to think of them as experiences we’re still yet to come across. At times I’m overcome with Yuugen (the profound awareness of the nature of the universe – the oneness of all things – to the point where it affects you emotionally. It drives me to uncover what the world is really trying to show, or express.
***
I was always scared of getting lost, as a child. When my parents used to leave me in the car, I’d be uncomfortable with the silence that presented itself. There were times, looking back, when I realized I missed the forest for the trees, the fear of being lost was inhibiting me from discovering what I so longed to explore. Few things seemed more dystopian and terrifying to me being separated from people I knew and who cared for me. Would other strangers even care to stop by? Would they try to even help out? It’s precisely what drives me to make sure others don’t have to experience the same fear and doubt I went through, to let them know they’re not quite alone. From a smile to an innocent wave, what I fell in love with was the multitude of ways through communication, to show that we care.
The fear, however, has been replaced with the desire to get lost now, whether it be in long scrolls of philosophy from Marcus Aurelius, to observing the clouds pass by. At times, all it takes is to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and separate thoughts from the mind, allowing it only to observe.
Sacrifices are familiar to every traveler seeking that which no one else has achieved yet. My journey hasn’t been any different. I’ve lost my best friend of 15 years, simply because both of us wanted to tread different paths, and had different expectations of what life expected of us. I try not to judge others, we’re all walking our own paths alone after all. There will be no one on this earth who will ever see the world as I do, experience emotions and thoughts the way they are felt by me. But that’s what I find beautiful. We’re all witnessing, something else no one ever will, just like no snowflake is ever the same. I’d like to be able to fully grasp the magnanimous importance of each second that passes by in my life, whether it be watching a sunset go by, or helping someone out. As Steve Jobs said, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away, leaving only what is truly important. I aspire to have the courage and knowledge to follow my own heart, for it knows what it desires. I’d like to push and prod life, to mold it with my own fingers, rather than resign myself to the notion that it’s there. I want to realize it, change it, and leave my mark on it, for the better.
***
The saying in the Vedas goes:
‘Rityam Satyam vijani’
absolute truth which is Rta is the only true knowledge.
Rta is precisely what I seek to uncover, for myself, and for the rest of the world.